


I'm your happiness (that you would rather live without)

by PastelWolf88



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Drinking, Fluff and Angst, House Party, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 10:05:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8485186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelWolf88/pseuds/PastelWolf88
Summary: Luhan feels like they have to be a secret but he doesn't want to live without him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Because I felt like angst.

"Ugh, what's taking them so long?" Kris sighs when leaning against the kitchen counter. Luhan eyes him from head to toes, before a girls walks to him and nudges on his arm. These sluts again.

"I don't know. Maybe Sehun is napping again", he chuckles, remembering their friend who's always napping after school.

"He should sleep at night", Kris huffs. "We can't get this party started before they bring the beers."

Luhan nods his head, it's more than obvious that they can't party without beer. And Chanyeol. He brings the sound systems. What party would it be if it had no music?

They always arrange these parties where youngsters come, have fun, drunk around and have sex, probably get a disease and in best case, a child. It's always the same cabin near the lake, one that's Kris' family's. It's big, has three bedrooms upstairs, one downstairs, a huge bathroom, and this huge dining, kitchen and living room area. That is the most ideal place to party and have drinking games.

Although, cleaning up after the party is always horrible. Gladly, Kris' parents don't mind that he's drinking and having parties, but they would mind if they knew it was their bedroom where the fun is sometimes happening. Kris' parents are the total opposite from Luhan's. Kris' parents are caring, Luhan's are so very indifferent. His drunk father gives two fucks about what he does and his depressed mother is only trying to keep the roof over their head. She's the one who's providing for their family.

Nonetheless, Luhan will drink, even if it reminds him of his father. He will call these girls hanging on his arms sluts, because that's what name they obey. He might hit them too, but not too hard, and not in such an angry manner; he's irritated, but he doesn't want them to think that way. He's frustrated, but wants no one to see. And after all, he doesn't want to be like his father.

Luhan runs a hand through his bangs, he's here to have fun and maybe numb his feelings with alcohol, not think about his parents. He should just drink and sleep with these sluts, even if, a girl after another, makes him question more about his sexuality. Is this what he wants? He can't quite tell. Let the alcohol decide.

A car drives to the yard. Kris claps his hands together and walks to the door to help them get the beers inside. "Finally", he exclaims. Luhan also follows him, but for a different reason. He's not always here for the alcohol. It's very rare that Sehun can actually come to these parties, it's been three months since he last had fun with them. And that last time was almost crucial for Luhan, as he kept staring at Sehun's body when he threw his shirt away because someone had spilled beer on it. He was very drunk, but Luhan was not. He kept looking from a distance. Admiring from a distance.

"Gimme those", Kris says when pulling a pack of beer in his arms, already opening one and taking the honor of being the first one to drink. Youngsters are slowly starting to come to the cabin. They are all Luhan's and Kris' friends.

Sehun is desperately trying to take a beer package from the trunk to carry it inside, but the packages are stuck together. Luhan can't but chuckle at it, walk to the younger one and ruffle his hair.

"You need some help?" he asks as he's already moving the beer cans around so Sehun can take a package in his arms.

"Yes, thank you", Sehun smiles brightly, just like he always does. Sehun's smile is always so bright and beautiful and it always manages to make Luhan's heart beat faster.

He also decides to help with carrying the beer packages. There are so many to be delivered in the kitchen. And after that's done, he takes the first beer can he sees and a slut is hanging on his arm. He sighs. When he wants to be with Sehun, he's forced to be with these whores.

He takes a drink. He needs more alcohol. More alcohol to numb him both mentally and physically.

"Finally we can get this party started", Kris laughs when taking a can and leaning on the kitchen counter, right next to Luhan. He notices that Luhan is indeed looking at Sehun's way, but doesn't know what he sees in there. The lady that's just trying to hit on Sehun? "Do you like Seohyun, Luhan?"

Now the slut on Luhan's arm huffs and looks at the boy with hurt eyes. Luhan looks at her back with cold ones, he cares shit about this bitch.

And that's when she leaves Luhan there. The boy almost exhilarates, yes! Finally that bitch left him alone!

"Thank you", he says when turning to Kris and taking another drink. Kris shakes his head.

"Sorry, didn't mean to do that."

"No, I mean", Luhan looks at him deep in the eyes, like he really means what he's saying. "Thank you."

"What, you don't like her?"

"Nope."

"Oh. Do you like Seohyun then?" Kris asks and elbows Luhan. The latter sighs and looks back at where Sehun is standing, now drinking and dancing with Seohyun. Yeah, sure, he likes Seohyun. Just why does it hurt him so much?

The way Sehun dances never fails to mesmerize him. He has such a tall, skinny body. His happy smile never fails to make him want to embrace him. His cute chubby cheeks that he wants to caress. He is overall perfect.

"Seohyun it is", Kris exclaims, to which Luhan rolls his eyes. Oh if he could just tell him. If he could just say that to him. If he could just go to Sehun, kiss him and let the others see. If he could just hug him without making it too tight and too long and therefore awkward.

A slut walks to Luhan and clings onto him, again. Luhan tries to act like a sexist pig, but why do these girls still come to him? Shouldn't they just, you know, go to someone who treats them like human beings, not like objects?

Well, to Luhan she is an object, and maybe it's just the alcohol talking, but he wants to forget about the shitty feeling in his heart. He wants to have fun.

So he grabs the girl's sides and pushes her against the kitchen counter, taking her to an open mouthed kiss. He molds their lips together but still doesn't feel like anything. He doesn't feel it. Maybe, this will just stay as a makeout session and he's not taking her in bed like he had first thought. No, he would not be able to sleep with her.

After the hot makeout session he throws her away like a bag of garbage and sits on a stool before the kitchen counter. Just then Sehun looks at his way, catches him staring at him. Luhan unconsciously smiles to him and he smiles back, leaving the older's breath hitching in his throat. Maybe he should just hang out with Sehun? If he can't be with the girls, then why not try to have some fun with his _friend_?

Yes, that sounds like a good plan. He takes a beer can for himself and Sehun, now walking towards him. The younger keeps his eyes on him, and when he's right there in front if him, Luhan throws him the can.

"I'm glad you made it here. It's so rare to see you here", he states. Sehun smiles and nods his head, opening the can and taking a drink.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't easy, and dad will most likely be mad at me", he states, looks up at the older and smiles painfully now. Why is it that painful, Luhan wants to know. "But I think it's worth it."

"Worth a few screams and a couple of smacks on the head, maybe", Luhan states, but when seeing the pained expression on the other's face, his heart feels even more uneasy. So uneasy.

He looks at Sehun's body from head to toes. On his arm is a bruise. A huge, purple bruise. Sehun notices him staring at it, but won't say a thing.

When Luhan raises his head he stares at him in the eyes for a while, before turning to look at the couch. A few screams and a couple of smacks on the head is what Luhan will get, but guess it's not the same for Sehun. Guess it is something a bit more violent. He could only think of the worst solutions.

"Chanyeol made a campfire outside. We could eat something, fry it on the fire and just... stare at the starry sky." Because this cabin is outside the noises of the city, next to a lake. Sehun nods his head a few times and takes Luhan's hand in his, already leading him outside. When that hand is in his, he can't but smile at how it feels like to hold him by the hand. It feels exceptionally good.

People stare at them, but Luhan could give two shits right now. Those sluts he was with are judging him hard. He is happy with Sehun, but not with them.

They sit right before the fire, on the logs on the ground. Chanyeol is cooking something right now. There are only five other people aside from them.

Sehun is shivering. He's only wearing a t-shirt. Luhan has a hoodie on him, and he takes it off to give it to the younger. He places it on his shoulders, but the other is trying to refuse his offer.

"No no no, you need it, you will get cold", Sehun tries to reason, but Luhan laughs at him.

"Look at you freezing your ass off. Just accept the damn hoodie." Sehun blushes a bit and chuckles to himself. He looks adorable when doing so. And then he clings on Luhan's side. _For warmth_. Nothing else. Just because it's cold.

It feels different to have him clinging on your arm than the sluts. It feels warmer, it feels better. Luhan smiles a bit to himself. He's warm enough.

They talk about this and that for who knows how long, until Chanyeol is done with the cooking and they eat the things he just cooked. The other people are slowly getting inside as the stars are shining bright on the sky. Sehun is staring up at them with admiration and Luhan is staring at him, with admiration.

"Pretty", he sighs. Sehun smiles.

"I know. I've never seen the starry sky." Just why is it so hard to tell it to him? Be a man, say that you have feelings for him. You like him more than just a friend.

But what would the others think if they found out? What would they say? What would they do? Would they bully him, tease him, humiliate him?

...Just because he likes this one boy?

Love hurts.

"I mean", he starts, but thinks the better of it. He turns his head away to look at the ground. The fire is on. It's the warmth outside in this coldness. Maybe it's the alcohol again, but Luhan wants to have the courage to say it. His heart is beating rapidly and it's hard to breathe, he can't think clearly. He swallows a lump from his throat. "...You are..."

Sehun blinks a few times, but unable to catch the other's attention. He awakes when feeling Sehun's hand on his, interlacing their fingers. Maybe Sehun is more drunk than the older is. Maybe, he hasn't been drinking as much. He's thinner. He must be more drunk.

"...I am what...?" he asks silently. Luhan swallows a lump from his throat. It feels dry. Sehun's head is resting on his shoulder and he doesn't know how to act.

"...You are..." he starts again, but doesn't know if he should do it or not. He has feelings for him, it's making his life exceptionally hard. He can't hide it. "...Pretty."

Slowly, he moves his head to see the younger one staring at him with big eyes. Maybe he's waiting for something to happen, maybe he wants something to happen. Now he knows, it must be the alcohol, cause he cannot keep his hands to himself. Gently, he caresses over his face, over the little scar on his cheek. And he smiles, gently. Sehun is slowly leaning towards him and he leans forward too, just waiting for his soft lips to crash with his.

"Hey!"

Like someone had given them an electric shock, they immediately pull away from each other.

"Are you guys still here?" Chanyeol asks, even though he can see that they are here. Luhan awkwardly scratches the back of his neck when the tall korean looks at them alternatively. "It's like midnight already."

"Yeah, we just... Got caught up... With stuff..." the chinese tries to reason. Chanyeol utters a laughter.

"If you want some peace, there's a sauna right before the lake. There is a changing room, and in that changing room is also a bed and stuff so you can also sleep there. Whatever you were caught up with, you can talk about it there in private."

Then the boys glance at each other, then look back at Chanyeol.

"Is it okay with Kris?" Luhan wonders.

"You two are almost like, best friends. I'm sure you can at least use their sauna."

Luhan smiles at him and nods, that sounds good. And he would like to have some space with Sehun, talk things out, even if he's drunk. No. It's better that he's a bit drunk. It's encouraging him.

"Yeah... Sure", he says and is already standing up. Chanyeol smiles to the two, now putting out the fire.

Luhan holds Sehun's hand as he leads him down to the lake, to the small sauna. It's not locked, thankfully. Chanyeol probably got the wood from there. He opens the door for the younger one who seems to be a bit tense, but to Luhan it doesn't show. He's too focused on the feeling that he's so nervous himself.

And there is a nice couch, a sofa table and a carpet. It's warm, even though the sauna's not on.

Luhan sits on the couch and Sehun sits right next to him.

"Do you think anyone saw us...?" the younger asks with a silent voice. Luhan shakes his head, he believes that no one saw. But did Chanyeol see?

"It doesn't matter... I mean... Ugh..." Luhan sighs in frustration. He looks at the younger in the eyes and the latter stares at him back. For a while, there's nothing but silence in the room. There's only a dim light since they want no one to know they're there. Some noises from the cabin, the music is so loud.

Luhan shifts a bit closer to him, and this time, he even dares to press a gentle kiss on his lips. But only gentle, innocent, nothing like the one in the kitchen. And he's so happy when Sehun kisses him back, hands wandering on his body.

They pull back, for their first kiss, Luhan doesn't want it to be too long. Especially when it's his first kiss with a boy. And he's scared to be honest.

"...I..." he whispers when gently caressing his cheek, a sudden smile just appearing on his face. "...I've felt like this for too long... But I was afraid..."

"...Me too..." Sehun echoes. "...I'm afraid."

This catches Luhan's attention. "...Why are you afraid?"

"...It's because of dad... He will kill me if he finds out that I came to a party, drank, and kissed a boy."

"He won't find out", Luhan assures, now pushing the younger against the couch. "And if he does, I'll be the one to take the blame."

With that, Sehun smiles to him sadly. Luhan starts to tickle him, sad Sehun is just... too sad. He wants to see him smile honestly, happily. So he tickles him, and Sehun kicks him, trying to squirm away from his touch. He almost screams cause he can't get away.

For Luhan's surprise, Sehun turns them around to straddle his lap and tickle him back! Luhan almost dies in laughter as he tries to capture the other's hands to stop the torture. He does not succeed, but in the end they roll off the couch. Sehun stands up immediately and runs to the other side of the room, now the tickling game has turned to tag. Luhan catches him, pokes his side and tickles him, but Sehun catches him in his arms with a cute laguhter.

Luhan's actions are stopped as the younger's arms are wrapped around his neck, his head on the crook of his neck. He smiles fondly and hugs him back tightly.

The hug doesn't last for too long as Sehun lowers his hands and starts to tickle him. The older immediately pushes him away, he should have been aware, this is a game after all. Sehun corners him in front of the couch and pushes him on it. Then he straddles his lap, tickling him and Luhan trying to squirm away, only to lay on the couch.

To stop the younger from tickling, Luhan pulls him down against his own body and hugs him tightly. It's so warm. Sehun's breath lands on his neck. His body is hot, it's exceptionally warm on the spot their crotches are touching.

Luhan can't stop smiling. Slowly, he travels his other hand down to touch Sehun's bare skin from under his shirt. The younger first tries to squirm away, but can't since he's trapped in Luhan's arms. When realizing that he's just touching him, not tickling, he calms down. Even though his breath is still hot on Luhan's neck.

Sehun travels his own hands on the older's upper body, also pulling a bit back to look at him in the eyes. He smiles so honestly. So beautifully. Before leaning towards his lips and placing a soft kiss on them.

Luhan pulls a blanket on them from the arm of the couch. Here it's warm, they can stay silent, embrace each other and close their eyes, hoping that they would never have to get up and be sober again.


End file.
